D422 Ridge View Residence
25 Lower Kent Ridge Road, Singapore
(+65)91213760
U0706375@nus.edu.sg
Feb 12, 2011.
Apply for full-time teacher at Raffles Institution (Year 5-6)
Dear respective HR manager,
I am writing in response to your recent recruitment of full-time teacher at Raffles Institution (Year 5-6). I believe my broad-based scientific knowledge and presentation skills make me an excellent candidate for this position.
I am currently a candidate for Bachelor degree in Engineering Science Program and expected to graduate with first class honors. As you may see in my attached transcript, I built up a strong knowledge for the natural science modules including advanced calculus and mechanical motion. This would be a solid foundation for the career as a teacher, especially when the students in Raffles Institution have high standard of education. During my undergraduate years, I had used my knowledge to instruct my project partner (from other department) on the various theoretical backgrounds. My friend always found my explanations to be clear and easy to understand, even though they did not have the background. During one of my summer vocation, I joined an active listener training program where I learnt how to do both active listening and peer consulting. These experiences have trained me to have better understanding of an instructor as well as teacher.
Being a daughter of two teachers (my father is a mathematics teacher and my mother is an English teacher), I always find teaching is a rewarding career. As a teacher, I can continuously expand my knowledge and refresh my idea through the interaction with the student. I can learn from them the same time they learn from me. Students at Raffles Institution are the top talents for the society and my skills and knowledge will enable the students to fully maximize their talents and be valuable members of our community.
Enclosed are my resume and transcript that provide detailed information about my background. I am excited about an interview opportunity from you and hope I can join Raffles Institution soon. I can be contacted at (65)91213760.
Yours sincerely,
Ke Cangming
Dear Cang Ming,
ReplyDeleteI hope that your actual application letter format will not be as such.
Unfortunately, I do not have access to your job advertisement. But I believe that a formal letter header should include your information (which you have done) followed by the recipient's information with the date in between.
Sample Application Letter format:
http://www.kmd-solutions.com/Sample_cover_letter.htm
Also, do take note of the 1-line spacing between:
(1) your details and the date
(2) the date and the subject title
(3) the subject title and address to the Human Resource Manager; it will not hurt to spell out "HR" as "Human Resource"
(4) the address to Human Resource Manager and the body of your letter
(5) each paragraph of the body
(6) body and sign-off segment
This will make it much easier to read.
In your second paragraph, you may want to state that you will be graduating with first class honors "in May 2011".
In addition, I do not find the inclusion of your personal experience with instructing your project partner to be apt nor does the summer vocation (did you mean vacation?)where you joined an active listener program. Both are not concrete enough to persuade the reader despite your excellent academic profile and family background.
Overall, your sentences did not seem fluent but instead truncated in many parts within a paragraph. I feel this would be important for a teacher at a renowned education institute such as Raffles Institution as it would be rather disturbing should the students focus less on the content you are teaching about because of your fluency of the English language (which is the language used for teaching i think).
Personally, if I am in the position to comment, I may consider granting you an interview given your outstanding academic records, however I will be doubtful as you lack experience and exposure to teaching as compared to Kent for example.
Please do not take offense to my small comments.
I really hope that you can improve on the application letter and finally obtain your dream job.
-
Regards
Sam
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello Cang Ming!
ReplyDeleteI find the job application convincing, as you have expressed your passion for teaching and also how you have abundant knowledge of science.
I do agree with Sam that the part of teaching your peers irrelevant. However, I would also disagree with Sam on the listening program which you attended. I feel it is a booster to show that you can listen to the needs of students, as it is part of a qualification of a teacher.
Generally, I can't find faults in your language except the last sentence.
"I am excited about an interview opportunity from you..."
I don't know if I'm right, but the sentence does not sound right. Instead you could write "I am looking forward to receiving a job interview ..."
I am sure the manager will be impressed by your passion and excellent grades. Good luck with your job application!
/Jiaai
(sorry for the deleted comment :D)
Hi Cangming,
ReplyDeleteI do concur with Sam that you could alter the format of the letter such that it follows the standard letter format. It does allow for an easy and convincing read.
Apart from the letter format, I think vetting through your application letter throughly to eradicate grammatical errors, as set out by the 7Cs, is particularly important in your job application. The reason behind this stems from Raffles Institution's culture and strong emphasis on practicing excellent English. I suggest you could enlist the help of some friends to proof-read your letter, and amend as appropriate.
Lastly, I think while you may have excellent grades, the lack of mention of any on campus activities is a big disadvantage to you. If you could list down some events or activities you had participated in, and elaborate to some length, you can put yourself in a whole different light, as a well rounded and active individual, whom the institution would not hesitate to hire.
I do hope you found these suggestions useful, and can aid you in crafting an effective application letter.
Best regards,
Ho Zong
Hello Cangming,
ReplyDeleteYou have shown to excel in your studies, but you lack some working experience or relevant curricular activities, which made your application letter seem incomplete. I felt there was more you could write to demonstrate yourself as a suitable candidate for the position.
You tried to address your passion and sincerity in seeking the position, which I thought sets you apart from other applicants, and made up for the lack of relevant experiences. Towards the end, you highlighted the rigorous and unique education Raffles offers, and explained how you could contribute to their quality of education. You might want to emphasise how your perception of education identifies with the mission or value of Raffles. This could better show how you can contribute to Raffles, since you share the same values as them in nurturing the young (the embodiment of a Raffles education).
You may like to consider these points in your second last paragraph:
-‘It is notable that Raffles Institution develops some of the top talents for society. From reading your mission statement, I am impressed by your determination to bring out the potential of each individual as leaders and global citizens, equipped to serve community and nation. As such, Raffles will provide me a good platform to contribute to the education of our young. I believe my skills and knowledge will enable the students to fully maximize their talents and be valuable members of our community.’
Nonetheless, your aspirations for teaching should secure you an interview. All the best for your application!
Regards,
Jerina